Writer's Block

Quote for today: Can you possibly imagine how it feels to fall in love with a mermaid?

The sidewalks are smoking. So are the rooftops. Like one giant WestSide Story poster and the jitterbug in my heart is screaming like it must be spring. But the weather is still refusing to break. Can't shake this feeling.

I am not making any sense today. I keep trying to write something. Writer's block. Blocked in, locked in, cooped up. Frustration! That is the main thing about writer's block. I could pour out meticulously all of these bright, masterpiece style ideas and they will still read simple and dull to my mind in the grip of writer's block. I could rival the works of Amis and Tennyson and still come off sounding more like Dr. Seuss. Maybe this isn't so bad. I will remain colloquial and satisfied.

I wonder if animals have a sense of freedom. For example, do animals that have been born in confinement still have that natural instinct? Can they sense that they are trapped or are they just accustomed to it? Does freedom mean little when they are provided with the main elements of survival? What about animals that have been captured from the wild? Do they just view their confines with acceptance seeing that they are provided for or do they long for the places they were born? Many scientists explain that because animals are always on the move searching for new sources of food that it is easy for them to adapt to an environment that provides all of their basic needs. It is almost like relief to them because life in the wild is quite precarious. Captivity being a safe haven where they are guaranteed protection from predators and three square meals. Also, animals generally don't stray too far from a habitat that meets their needs anyway. They don't tend to head off on great expeditions or have sudden urges to vacay in the Bahamas. Perhaps there I have come to my conclusion. This is how I feel today. I do want the all expense paid trip to the Bahamas.

I live in an animated world. I am not making any sense today. :) I am back at my novel but it endlessly pisses me off because it won't fly no matter what. I might just have to start smoking again. I was far more creative when I could just drink a bottle of cheap whatever and smoke until the ashtray overflowed and the sun came up. Voila! My manifesto piled on the table, a tribute to my impoverished lungs.

I have decided to accept the conspiracy. Stockholm Syndrome. Sometimes I write things that make sense to me in my head at the time. I wish I had no boundaries. That is the major difference between writing a journal and writing on here. I wish I had a sparkly clever topic to discuss. But my insides are so dazzled right now that I couldn't write it down even if I took a month of Sundays. Not to do any of it justice that is. What is wrong with me, I need an obscenely large cup of coffee or maybe a jolt cola. Something to wipe this damn grin off my face. Geezus. This is when I regret quitting smoking the most. When I am fidgety and nervous, about nothing. This is also my most vulnerable time of the year and I recognize that. My flighty, agitated state proves it. Spring fever. It's like something in me is fighting me tooth and nail to escape, a giant tiger cat pacing, a ball of liquid fire.

Can't shake this feeling. Damn it, writer's block.

Oprah once said that we should make a list of all of the things that we wanted to experience in this life while we are still alive. I was thinking about this the other day because I have realized that I don't want to leave this world the way that I am right now. I feel unfinished. I feel like you are only given one life, one chance at bat. So here is my list:

1. Take a hot air balloon ride
2. Go snow shoeing
3. Learn how to sail
4. Go snorkeling
5. Visit the tidepools and swim with dolphins
6. Skydive again
7. Make snow angels
8. See the castles of Britain/Scotland
9. Swim in an ocean with white sand
10. Go whale watching in Alaska
11. Learn to tango
12. Go to a luau on the beach in Hawaii
13. See the rainforest
14. Go to Mardi Gras
15. Touch an iceberg
16. Ride a camel
17. Explore a pyramid
18. Paddle the Amazon River (is this possible? I have always wondered.)
19. See the Coliseum and the Parthenon in Greece
20. Visit my friends overseas
21. Go to the Tomato Festival in Spain and watch a bull fight
22. Meet each of my rock star status authors
23. See the Taj Mahal
24. Visit Stonehenge
25. Write a monthly column for a popular magazine/paper.

I don't know how many are supposed to be on the list but these are my top 25 at the moment.

So there you have it. Even with writer's block I can still manage to take up all of the space in the blogroom.
And no, I won't go and undo two years of hard work by starting up with smoking again. This better be worth it though. I had better live at least forever.


There are so many little things that go forgotten but become cherished when a slight reminder suddenly gives the mind a hearty nudge. I love it when you can't tell just what is about to happen next. That is my favorite part of life.