Writer's Block

Quote for today: Can you possibly imagine how it feels to fall in love with a mermaid?

The sidewalks are smoking. So are the rooftops. Like one giant WestSide Story poster and the jitterbug in my heart is screaming like it must be spring. But the weather is still refusing to break. Can't shake this feeling.

I am not making any sense today. I keep trying to write something. Writer's block. Blocked in, locked in, cooped up. Frustration! That is the main thing about writer's block. I could pour out meticulously all of these bright, masterpiece style ideas and they will still read simple and dull to my mind in the grip of writer's block. I could rival the works of Amis and Tennyson and still come off sounding more like Dr. Seuss. Maybe this isn't so bad. I will remain colloquial and satisfied.

I wonder if animals have a sense of freedom. For example, do animals that have been born in confinement still have that natural instinct? Can they sense that they are trapped or are they just accustomed to it? Does freedom mean little when they are provided with the main elements of survival? What about animals that have been captured from the wild? Do they just view their confines with acceptance seeing that they are provided for or do they long for the places they were born? Many scientists explain that because animals are always on the move searching for new sources of food that it is easy for them to adapt to an environment that provides all of their basic needs. It is almost like relief to them because life in the wild is quite precarious. Captivity being a safe haven where they are guaranteed protection from predators and three square meals. Also, animals generally don't stray too far from a habitat that meets their needs anyway. They don't tend to head off on great expeditions or have sudden urges to vacay in the Bahamas. Perhaps there I have come to my conclusion. This is how I feel today. I do want the all expense paid trip to the Bahamas.

I live in an animated world. I am not making any sense today. :) I am back at my novel but it endlessly pisses me off because it won't fly no matter what. I might just have to start smoking again. I was far more creative when I could just drink a bottle of cheap whatever and smoke until the ashtray overflowed and the sun came up. Voila! My manifesto piled on the table, a tribute to my impoverished lungs.

I have decided to accept the conspiracy. Stockholm Syndrome. Sometimes I write things that make sense to me in my head at the time. I wish I had no boundaries. That is the major difference between writing a journal and writing on here. I wish I had a sparkly clever topic to discuss. But my insides are so dazzled right now that I couldn't write it down even if I took a month of Sundays. Not to do any of it justice that is. What is wrong with me, I need an obscenely large cup of coffee or maybe a jolt cola. Something to wipe this damn grin off my face. Geezus. This is when I regret quitting smoking the most. When I am fidgety and nervous, about nothing. This is also my most vulnerable time of the year and I recognize that. My flighty, agitated state proves it. Spring fever. It's like something in me is fighting me tooth and nail to escape, a giant tiger cat pacing, a ball of liquid fire.

Can't shake this feeling. Damn it, writer's block.

Oprah once said that we should make a list of all of the things that we wanted to experience in this life while we are still alive. I was thinking about this the other day because I have realized that I don't want to leave this world the way that I am right now. I feel unfinished. I feel like you are only given one life, one chance at bat. So here is my list:

1. Take a hot air balloon ride
2. Go snow shoeing
3. Learn how to sail
4. Go snorkeling
5. Visit the tidepools and swim with dolphins
6. Skydive again
7. Make snow angels
8. See the castles of Britain/Scotland
9. Swim in an ocean with white sand
10. Go whale watching in Alaska
11. Learn to tango
12. Go to a luau on the beach in Hawaii
13. See the rainforest
14. Go to Mardi Gras
15. Touch an iceberg
16. Ride a camel
17. Explore a pyramid
18. Paddle the Amazon River (is this possible? I have always wondered.)
19. See the Coliseum and the Parthenon in Greece
20. Visit my friends overseas
21. Go to the Tomato Festival in Spain and watch a bull fight
22. Meet each of my rock star status authors
23. See the Taj Mahal
24. Visit Stonehenge
25. Write a monthly column for a popular magazine/paper.

I don't know how many are supposed to be on the list but these are my top 25 at the moment.

So there you have it. Even with writer's block I can still manage to take up all of the space in the blogroom.
And no, I won't go and undo two years of hard work by starting up with smoking again. This better be worth it though. I had better live at least forever.


There are so many little things that go forgotten but become cherished when a slight reminder suddenly gives the mind a hearty nudge. I love it when you can't tell just what is about to happen next. That is my favorite part of life.

Socks and Baseballs

Quote for today: I want the frosting left off the spoon that iced the Cake of the World.

So we have moved and survived. Life continues and now I can sit on my couch and eat bon bons all day long. Like Marie Antoinette, I mean if I had a couch that is. I thought this quote was appropriate because it explains what I feel right now. I am definitely excited, sort of like a champagne that has yet to pop. That is how I feel. I know, I am weirdly insane or at least on the brink. It is the kind of feeling you get when you are in anticipation of something. I just don't know what it is exactly that I am waiting for. Maybe I am just excited to buy new furniture. I don't know, but my gears are spinning again and that is what inevitably builds up the bubbly in me. I really live in this silly, odd, little world. I am not really composed of the stuff it takes to be serious or worrisome. I have to express myself differently and a lot of the time this comes across as plain silliness, eccentricity and maybe a bit loony bins. I promise though that I am not losing my mind. I am more like the duck that believes in her own rare sanity amidst a world of quacks. And I just can't be serious in this life, please don't ask me to be! Especially in the grip of such a light, giddiness that I can't quite understand. Like the winter that seems to never want to let us go. How is that funny? It's almost like a quirky epic poem. Oh neverending winter!!! The satire is nearly complete. Yet without love, we will never be free of such a turbulent storm!! ha ha! Can't you just see me here? In this tower, sort of like Rapunzel except I cut my hair off and then realized that layers are just not my style because they make my face look really fat. Not really a mad scientist. Although the effect could very well be the same. At least I brushed my hair. Life to me is really just a farcical charade, a play that I did not memorize my lines for and so I deliver them in that same doubled over fashion as though this were the first time around and I were laughing as much as the stagehand. I wish I could be the stagehand, maybe I would have more composure and find my own way in the world. Maybe I could then set the stage for what is meant to be and perhaps then I wouldn't keep tripping over the curtain.

I did make it though, I have moved. And now I live on Planet Suburbia where everyone has matching hot tubs and playcenters in their backyards and the MomBrigade hangs out in the cul de sac watching each other and sipping their coffee like substances. It is as though I have moved right into Wisteria Lane. At least as far as I can tell so far. I am going to try not to judge although I did notice a bit of the Stepford Wife coming on in me before I quashed it directly and succinctly. I love the house though and I am loving the extra room since my baby girl was starting to take over every inch of breathing space available in the other house.

Also, my sister is getting married in October. So now it is my duty as the maid of honor to put on the wedding shower. If this doesn't keep me busy enough then certainly her Bridal Bootcamp will. Apparently we bridesmaids are now all enlisted and we get to sit through torturous hours of scrapbooking, sewing and who knows what all else as she supervises. I have dubbed her BrideKong and this to me is the funniest thing in the world and I actually can't type for a few minutes because I am rolling on the floor laughing so hard at myself. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I didn't realize this before but bridesmaid has the word maid in it and this does not sit well with me. Especially since I get to be the Maid of honour. Does this sound a bit fishy to you? I guess it is better than being called the brideslaves. I don't really know how I would feel about that although after she shouts, "Again!!!" and "No soup for you!" I think that is exactly what we are going to begin to feel like anyway. Now isn't it ironic that this is the second wedding that I have ever been in and I am wearing yet another black dress.

My daughter is now reminding me that Planet Earth is a good place to come back to and that the real world is waiting impatiently for me to get on with it. In other words, it's lunchtime and that waits for no man. I should think that I would want to live life like she does. All she has been playing with all morning is a pair of her socks and a baseball that she randomly found. I think life should be that simple. Adieu! Adieu all!

Red Hearts Day

So here we are at Valentine's Day again. I hate Valentine's Day. I don't know about you but this is the worst holiday ever invented. I guess if all you have gotten for Valentine's Day was diamonds, rubies and more diamonds then you might feel differently but after a lifetime of disappointing and borderline ridiculous Valentine's experiences, I have a completely opposite opinion. I feel that this is the most awkward display used to celebrate love imaginable and has no bearing on the reality of relationships whatsoever. Just another false commercial Hallmark moment for the consumer in all of us. Meant to delight and amaze but generally achieving a lot less. Perhaps this is not the case but nevertheless I remain just as bitter and cynically abused by this stupid holiday every year. How does it go? Either, I give him his gift and he gives me a look of complete horror, makes up some kind of lame excuse and rushes out the door, appearing later with an over the top gift, a giant stuffed apology. Or he says that my gift is in the mail and hasn't arrived yet. Or how about this one, "So what do you want to do today?" I have learned that it is really not that exciting and that if he does plan something, it usually ends up as disaster. I remember our very first Valentine's Day. We were dating at the time and he didn't call me the entire day. He didn't make any plans at all with me and so when one of my other friend's called me and asked if I would have dinner with him that evening, I agreed. At dinner time, I was all dressed up and nearly out the door when he calls and asks me what I want to do that evening. I told him that I already had plans to go out for dinner with someone else because I wasn't going to wait around all night for him. Then I went to dinner. And so it goes.

And who can forget standing in the card aisle choosing the perfect heartfelt card for your guy and then you get their card and on the front is a picture of an old, fat, unshaven cupid in a diaper with some cheesy line. So I stand by my sentiment and would love to shout it from the rooftops. I hate Valentine's Day!!!

I was listening to the radio today and discovered to my own amazement that a lot of those radio love songs out there don't affect me anymore like they used to. I now realize that all of this teenage love bebop is really not about love at all. Instead, it is about some weird infatuation that gets mixed up with a passion for swoony croony melodies that perhaps would have made my heart skip a few beats when I was young and naive. I now know what all of this is about; it is a love of the music. However, this gets confusing for a lot of people, especially the young and impressionable. I adamantly believe that this is where a lot of teenage pregnancy begins. Simple, foolish love songs on the radio combined with cheap wine and ending in a moment of weakness. Just had to put that out there. Maybe it is subliminal, a bunch of sappy crappy love gibberish written by boys to help boys get some. And we fall for it, us girls. Hoping beyond hope that our guy would utter the same nancy lines.

Now here's another topic:

Is it just me or are the men of our generation highly lacking when it comes to maturity/responsibility? It is as though now that the women have their own careers these guys don't feel a sense of importance anymore so they are just resorting back to acting like whiny teenagers. Maybe they don't feel like they need to be responsible because we girls do everything anyway so they don't need to do anything any more. Like now that even the financial responsibility has been taken over by the women, they don't have anything else to do, so they just play Xbox all day. I know because mine has absolutely no hobbies and really no other existence besides work. I think that if they aren't the sole financial providers anymore then men don't know what to do with themselves. They become irrelevant.

I just thought that I would post this because it seems to be a major issue. I am really having difficulty understanding why the men of this generation seem so lazy/boring/immature. Where are the brazen heroes of times past who would ride off so debonair to war, the Bravehearts and the Lancelots? Have the men of our generation lost their place? It used to be that the man went out and provided for his family, hunted and gathered, the main breadwinner, where the woman stayed home with the children and never the two would mix. Now the women are working and the men are expected to help out in the home, it is as though his main instincts are being insulted when he has to change a diaper or wash the dishes, so in a way, he is laying seige to this new order in his own semi rebellion, refusing to get up off the couch and insisting on becoming the biggest slob in the universe.

To me, I just think that they have nothing to fight for anymore. I think men are born to rescue and they are in their element when they have to work hard and fight for their beliefs and families. I think that now that the struggle has gone out of it, their fight for life has been disabled and their motivation along with it. So in stark contrast to life in the middle of the dirty thirties and the Great Depression, where men were desperately slaving themselves to the bone in the work camps just to keep their families alive, we now end up with these men who don't really have a sense of themselves as strong, capable and heroic because the women can do all of that for themselves now. Rather than times where the woman wasn't able to find work that would sustain herself and her family, now we insist on doing it all and the man begins to feel not only intimidated but also kind of useless, thereby becoming exactly that. I know that I always see a substantial change in my husband whenever he goes off up north to work in the sub zero temperatures, as though it makes him feel like more of a man. A man off to do whatever it takes to provide for his family while I am here watching the homestead. He would actually prefer it if I didn't go back to work. Of course he would also prefer the double income. :) Who wouldn't right about now.

In the Event of Losing a Question Mark.

Quote for Today: I completely understand why, after mating, the black widow spider kills and eats her mate.

So I haven't fallen off the face of the planet. I am however in the thick of it, buying a new house, becoming a landlord, baby turned one etc. I have been super busy to say the least. A bit neglectful I know but everything gets crazy that way during Christmas and New Year`s anyway. I am back now and I promise not to stray for such extended periods. Alas, what else to talk about. All I can think about lately is furniture shopping for the new house. I am very excited. I think I am the only girl in the world who goes out and buys a house without telling her husband. What can I say, when he goes out of town, I go shopping. This time I just happened to buy a house. Good thing he likes it. We are set to move in on February 27th. I am not looking forward to the move. I don`t think this crap ever gets any easier as I have moved about 25 times in my lifetime and it never ceases to be the biggest pain in the ass imaginable.

I had a great Christmas and New Year`s. I didn`t make any sordid resolutions though. I think it is because I already know that I am perfect and don`t need any adjustment. You gotta love that. It`s like all of the conceit is intended. :)

I haven`t been keeping up with the political sphere lately which is unfortunate. I have been more concerned with the baby learning to walk. If she would only take those first steps then I would be forever grateful. It would save my spine immensely. She has been 30lbs since she was six months old. Lugging her around everywhere is the equivalent of being in some cruel, neverending, three-legged race with a small kangaroo. To say the least, it is not conducive to my glamorous life and I am beginning to think that this is what a labour of love looks like. Of course it could also mean the 24 gruelling hours of actual labour. Either way, 24 hours of anything, even running around with a small joey tied to your kneecap, is not my idea of fun, practical or even remotely related to love. Say what again nowÉ Ok, that last sentence was supposed to be punctuated with a question mark but apparently this computer isn`t registering that function. Instead of a question mark, I get this (É). What the hell do I need that for anywayÉ I don`t care to figure out why it is doing this at this time though. This will just have to be statement driven. I neither have the time nor the energy to seek out proper punctuation. I will instead believe that I would definitely use a question mark if I could. I will also pretend that you understand that I am highly educated and know the difference between a statement and a question. RightÉ That`s awesome.

Ok, I better be off to bed now. :)

Theory vs. Reality

I find myself missing school these days. I know, isn't that ironic. Seventeen years in and over twenty grand in debt and yet we all end up here anyway, just begging to go back to it, dying to sink more of our time and money into these faceless yet bold institutions. I always feel like my brain is wasting away because I haven't done anything theory in a long time. Besides pregnancy and childbirth, and in theory this is all coming up roses which is absolutely nothing like the real thing. I have come to the conclusion that all of those childbirth books that I read could not possibly have been about childbirth. I don't even think that the people who wrote them have kids of their own. I just remember thinking beforehand that it would all be okay because I had read all of the books. That was before the horror show screaming and massive amounts of spurting blood akin to Prom Night: The Massacre. Then afterwards I thought,

"WTF!!!"

In reality, those books were about as helpful in regards to childbirth as a plumber's manual. In fact, I should have been reading a plumber's manual, it would probably have been more useful. But back to my original point. Theory always makes anything look so smart and logical, organized into patterns and lists in little boxes etc. but in practice, in the real world, it's all screaming and chaos, sink or swim and that's when most of that theory goes out the window and you just do whatever it takes to survive. But theory sure makes you feel smart and put together at the time. I think that's what I miss, reading all those big fat textbooks that had everything color coded and sported bold faced type for important definitions etc. Ok, not really reading them, let's be honest, just highlighting everything in sight with brand new fluorescent yellow. It's like In case of Emergency: Please refer to the bold faced highlighted line on page 45 (unless you are presently being eaten by a mongoose). I don't even know what a mongoose is or what one looks like or even if it has the capacity to consume a human. Go figure. This is what happens when you are up too late at night.

Indulging in Chocolates and Staying up Late

Quote for today: Fall down seven times, get up eight. -Japanese Proverb

This is me, indulging in chocolates and staying up too late again. I feel like a pre-teen at a slumber party because staying up late for me now is 11:00pm. This is the time that I used to leave to go out to the party. My dad reminded me of this the other day. He would be going to bed and I would be heading out the door. My night just beginning and his day was done. Not anymore I'm afraid, but at the very least, I can sit on the couch and eat bon bons all day. This is something that I have always aspired to do. That is the sarcasm of course. At least I have come to a conclusion of sorts. I have decided that this is the time for it, I just can't put it off any longer, so I am going to begin writing my book. It isn't going to be a lengthy, epic marvel of heroism or a fantastic piece of punditry. Instead I have decided to do something a bit different. I knew that it would come to this sooner or later so it might as well be now. Anyhow, it all started in its original form as a blog study of the nature of human beings and their tendencies but I thought about it for a long time and I even started to post it. It ended up being shelved in complete horror a couple of weeks ago. It was supposed to be aptly named, "Your Human is Showing" or some such tomfoolery. Now I have decided that the issues that need to be addressed are far too lengthy for this blog so it must just be written out in masterpiece style instead. I had a dream about it, this page turner of an idea, how it would all play out if it were a made for TV movie. It isn't a dramatic tale, in fact it isn't a tale at all. More or less just a rambling bit of nonsense that pretty much came to me while I slept, for all that it's worth. Of course, you will all nonetheless, rush out to buy it when and if it comes out and then I will take your money. Huzzah!!

But do not fret, I will still continue my blogging on a regular basis. :)

Die Telemarketers Die!!!

(Or at the very least get some mild to moderate food poisoning, please.)

Quote for today: 'Information is pretty thin stuff unless mixed with experience.'
Clarence Day

I understand that some people are just trying to make a living like everyone else but there is a point where you have to look at your life and realize that you are part of a group of people that nearly everyone on the face of the planet would like to murder. I am talking about telemarketers. Did anyone else get five calls this morning all before 9am? I think this must be what hell is like or at least close. For me, as easygoing as I am, I am about to go postal on someone. As luck would have it, they have now come out with something called the National Do Not Call List. If you register your number to this list then telemarketers can not call you or else they will get a fine. You are automatically taken off everyone's list and the companies have to abide by this list. Is this not ingenious? I will see how well it works. The whole point is to ensure that you don't get harassed on a daily basis but it is also so that telemarketers don't get so many death threats. I don't know about you but I don't know one person who wouldn't appreciate being on the Do Not Call List. I honestly can't see how the telemarketers could stay in business after this. I mean, seriously, is there anyone out there who WANTS these people to call them? I guess if you are old and alone then maybe. Yet for some reason, somehow or another, they are still at it. They are still calling and therefore someone out there must be buying it. I am not that someone. But I could have been, many times. I am probably the most gullible person in the world. I put such faith in people in general and then I have a very near coronary when I discover that they are liars and cheats. In fact, I could very well have lost the farm many times over to these kinds of people if it weren't for my best secret weapon. RipOffReport.com This has repeatedly come to my rescue and is now and forever my knight in shining weblog. This site, if you have ever seen it, is a place for consumers to bitch about how someone sold them a piece of crap in a box or took their money, basically this is a site where people let you know what not to do/buy because they did and found out that is a scam/a piece of crap in a box. This site works wonders too, all of those scams out there have to spend money to change their name and send the site all kinds of death threats. As soon as your company name comes up on the ripoffreport you are doomed. They stand to lose big money and business because people like me who have naivete and vulnerability up the wazoo, religiously check this site before making any sudden wallet movements. My #1 rule being never give out my credit card number over the phone. I am like a child, I need to have strict rules otherwise some sparkly, shiny bits might catch my attention and then all of a sudden I can't tell where the bottom of my basket went. I would probably wake up on the floor of my kitchen in a puddle of drool with my credit card in one hand and the phone dangling from the other. There is only one exception to this rule and that is if I contact the company myself and have proof that it is a reputable company (ie: phone book, internet site, known address). Seriously though, what semi-intelligent human being would ever give their credit card number out to some random stranger who just contacted them out of the blue?? There was this one lady who phoned me and wanted my credit card number to book a 'great Florida vacation' and I could hear her kids yelling in the background. I mean really, who in their right mind falls for this shit??!! Like I said before, someone must because they are still calling. Don't do it!! It's like late night TV shopping, not a good idea people! Nothing on late night TV is as shiny and fantastic in reality. It merely looks that way because it is 3am and you are sitting in a dark room with only the TV flickering in the background. My suggestion, go to bed. This is not the peak time for shopping. I honestly can't fathom how these guys sleep at night. I would want to kill myself approximately every day.

'The years teach much which the days never knew.' -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Why My Bathroom Smells Like Marijuana

Quote for today: The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing. Marcus Aurelius

There was a funky smell coming from my bathroom this morning. I looked high and low and couldn't for the life of me figure it out until now. First, let me get this completely straight. I do not smoke marijuana nor do I do any other drug for that matter but I am a teacher and so my nose is attuned to these things. Also, who hasn't been to those college parties where the fumes from the smoke were so thick that you couldn't see two inches in front of your face. It's a reality and I know that I have to face facts that my own daughter is probably going to be at those parties too. And, let's be honest here, there was a short moment, back in my prime, when I did dabble with the MJ here and there until I realized that for the most part it just made for a wacky but very sleepy party that crashed nearly immediately afterward, which was of no use to a night owl like myself at the time. Marijuana, the gateway to a life of crime and diabolicalism, if you can get up off of the couch. Anyway, back to my dilemma. As I explained, I do not smoke pot, I am currently nearly two years cigarette free and I do not dabble in narcotics of any kind. So it is quite understandable why, upon entering my bathroom this morning, I would be surprised and even alarmed to be confronted with the slick, pungent odour of the aforementioned green demon. I was stumped. I thought that perhaps something was leaking or that something had been spilled. I set about and cleaned and scrubbed until the bathroom was a radiant display of sparkly goodness. Surely there were no more nasty uglies in there, I was certain that nothing could possibly outlast my vigorous effort. I took a big sniff but sure enough, underneath all of the fumes from the numerous cleaning agents, that ranky, skunky smell pervailed. I was at a loss. 'Think think think', I told myself as I racked my brain for clues that might let me in on what could possibly be going on. What had I done differently in the last 24 hours, what if I had a leak that I would have to pay to repair. Suddenly, it hit me. The bathmat!!! We had just purchased it yesterday at the Walmart. I checked the mat. Yes, that was it alright. I now have a bathmat that makes my bathroom smell like a grow op. The absurdities of my life never fail to amaze me.

Top 2 Influential Women

Quote for today: Never wear anything that panics the cat. -PJ O'Rourke

I know, usually it is a top ten and I might update it over time. For now it is only two.

What Would Jackie Do?

Jacqueline Onassis Kennedy to me is the epitome of style, grace and beauty. I have been told that I resemble her, to my own blushing dismay and humble gratitude. Being first lady to one of the most famous presidents definitely makes a lasting impression and I even have a book called 'What would Jackie do?', that I might very well go ahead and use to start my own religion.

Mad about Audrey.

I am crazy about Audrey Hepburn. I mean, here is a woman who was not only gorgeous, talented and famous but spent her life humbly believing that she was average and then went on to help other people through some major work with Unicef. And to top it all, her movies are a blast. Who wouldn't want to hang out with this woman? I am now and forever obsessed with everything Audrey.

These are my two top influential women for this life as I know it.
I don't want to be these women, I don't think that I have what it takes really but what wouldn't I give to go back in time and peek through their closets. I was going to add Ariel from Disney's The Little Mermaid, but technically she is a fish.

Give a girl the right shoes and she'll conquer the world. -Bette Midler

US elections

Quote for today: Success isn't about the end result; it's about what you learn along the way. -Vera Wang

Way to go Barack Obama! (I wonder if his friends just call him Barack.)
First black US president and a democrat, I am looking forward to the future. Even though he has a big mess to clean up, at least he can't possibly eff it up as bad as George and his frat boys did. I feel a whole lot more secure with the US being Canada's neighbour now. Hopefully things start looking up. Now let's be sure he doesn't get assassinated. Can you imagine, there are seriously still people out there that are that gung ho about this whole white supremacy bullshit (and they are all in Texas with their rifles right now pissing in their pants to get just one crack at him). I mean ever since Will Smith got Jiggy with it, I thought that we could all get over ourselves and learn what it really is to be uniquely different. Ever since these so called 'wiggaz' (the potential Ivy Leaguer turned white gangsta who suddenly has the urge to show off his underpants to everyone by wearing his pants so low that he needs to walk with his legs shoulder width apart so they don't fall down, which wouldn't matter anyway because everything they are meant to cover is on display) started sporting all their bling and driving their souped up, pimped out rides around the ghetto like the Big old Mac Daddies of the hood that we all believe them to be, ever since that, I thought that we were all cool now, black was a groovy state of mind and all that jazz. Just another big beautiful black woman crooning on the radio. In reality, they are all really still out there somehow. Somewhere these KKK nutty bastards are lurking going, "Damn this Obama!! Damn him all to hell!!!" They are almost like comic book characters in fact, I mean who really goes around with a big, white, sheet going boo anymore? Ill education. In spite of what people think education really does shine through in everyday life and 'white trash' really does look like some dude wearing socks with his sandals and a big, white, garbage bag over his head with two eyeholes poked out so he doesn't bump into his own ego. Just let 'em try to knock us down!! I say, "Long live Obama!!" Let freedom ring!!

Getting Distracted

It's been a while since I have posted so I will make this short and sweet. I am still here and still working on this blog. I have been so caught up lately in everything else that is going on in my life that I haven't had a chance to sit down with this and really sort through it all. I promise I will make some time this weekend and really get to the bottom of what I am supposed to be writing about. Especially about the US elections. Life has been pretty hectic lately but I am not supposed to let that boggle my mind and my blog. For now I bid you goodnight but I will write again soon.

Dream On

Quote for today:

"A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep." Disney's Cinderella

Do you remember your dreams? I have a very hard time forgetting mine. I have discovered that I am quite different from other people. My dreams are very vivid and lively. They usually include some wild, crazy and out of this world escapade that simply makes absolutely no sense or connection whatsoever to my existence here on Planet Earth. I dream about sailing on pirate ships and travelling through great underground caverns. I dream about vampires, giant octopus, witches and other varying monsters. I dream of swimming with purple haired mermaids in apple cider factories, down deep to an Atlantis of sorts at the bottom of the pool where the king mermaid throws an elaborate banquet in my honor. I had a dream once that I spent a summer drinking lemonade on a tropical island and hanging out with all of the island locals. We had bonfires, ate seaweed and danced in the moonlight. We told stories, sang songs, built sand castles and slept on the beach. When I awoke I had a sinking feeling, I missed them all. I wanted to go back but of course it had never happened and all of those crazy kids, even the green-eyed boy who I had been crushing on all summer, did not exist. Even now though, I will fall asleep and be minding my own dream business on a swamp safari somewhere or in an exotic junglescape and one of them will show up. Then we will laugh and reminisce about the great times we all had that one summer in a dream I once had. Sometimes, there will be a photo album and there we will all be, me in my sunflower flip flops and big sunglasses with Green Eyes sipping cold drinks on the deck of the beach cabin. The others making seaweed wreaths and trying to splash each other as the sun began to sink down behind the horizon. All there, like it had really happened, as though there really was this place somewhere out there where it was all so easy, so laid back, this far away and dreaming. I know I will find my island one day, I am sure of it.

I also dream about four houses. I have never been inside these places for real, they don't exist, but in my dreams these are the houses that I live in. I know these homes as though I have lived there all my life. In dreamland you can have as many houses as you want. I have four and I know every nook and cranny of each. I even know the olive colours of the jacquard walls, the mahogany brocade curtains and I have found all of the secret passages. One of my houses, the burnished orange one, has a bell tower room. I have been up the spiral staircase to it many times. Another one of my houses, the one with the ebony and ivory accents and the grand piano also has a smoky, old pot belly stove with a stove pipe that runs the entire wall of the kitchen right up to the roof. The kitchen walls are white with black lace patterns running all over them. There are two black doors and the ceiling is very high, like that of a great room. I am not going to describe it all to you in detail but I believe I have a very active imagination, even at night while I am asleep.

I look forward to sleep, for that is when I have my greatest adventures. :)

BrainStorms

Quote for today: 'Simple minds gossip about people and average minds talk about things, but great minds discuss ideas.'

My brain storms. It thunders and it flashes with lightning. I mean it, it is perpetually cloudy and raining up there in this great, big head of mine. (Ego pun intended). Not just April showers either but those impressive, clapping thunderstorms with crackling displays of light. Honestly, and my brain doesn't shut down or off like other people. It is an ongoing process and I sometimes need a distraction to buzz away all of the fluttery thoughts, especially when I am trying to sleep. If I just let my brain go and do it's thing then that is when I end up writing until the sun comes up. I believe I have too much to say for my own good. I have all of these half finished posts because I get these great brain waves that turn into unique ideas to write about but then I write half of it and decide to add on to it a little later. I end up with all of this riff raff of half posts and ideas just sloppily scattered across pages and pages of the blog edit room. I keep promising myself that I will finish at least one of these mind scraps before starting a new one, but my thoughts are so tangled and complicated that it is difficult to keep them all organized and lined up single file long enough to finish what I was writing in the first place. I will be halfway through one post and I will get a bright idea that I just have to jot down quickly before it disappears completely and of course there isn't a scrap of paper in my house, not even one, having checked. I also get writer's block easily so I will put one idea on hold and move on to the next one. I find that I want to add a bit more to my posts but I have to do some research first or I want to write in a certain way so I have to take the time to proof it. I then end up with a backlog of half posts that either need research or editing in order to go to press. So be it. See, now this post will also go into the draft pile because I don't really know what else to put in it and until I can figure that out, it goes into unfinished business. I need to add quotes, a bit about the news etc. I don't want to just post a bunch of bits and pieces. I am brighter and stormier than that. :) Maybe I need to find a way to combine some of these into real column works. I will have to see but for now, here is the draft box and in you go. I know, I know, I have to make some choices because I have to publish some of this eventually.

Did you ever notice that people don't concern themselves with days? I mean, days of the week. For example, what day of the week did you get married? We always know the specific date. Believe me, spouses make sure we know that, but what about the day? My baby girl was born on a Saturday but I didn't actually take the time to check that until someone asked me. What day of the week were you born on? Your kids? If you aren't married or don't have children then what about this, what day of the week did you graduate? Your senior prom? How about your birthday this year? People don't take these things into consideration and I am pretty sure that no one ever thought about this until now except me anyway. Think about it, one day there will be no more days of the week. One day, you just run out of days. There will be no more Tuesdays, no more Saturday nights. I know this is a no brainer but I was thinking about this at midnight yesterday, which was actually technically this morning, when my digital watch rolled over to read Monday instead of Sunday. I thought to myself, 'when my life is done, my watch will still keep on changing the days'. That is if my watch lasts that long which is doubtful so I am, of course, referring to a hypothetical watch that I might own somewhere down the line in the future. Interesting, no? I thought so. I do think too much. :) I've really gotta get some sleep for sure or else I am just going to keep on continuously posting things that make no sense and will inevitably send the guys in the white coats over here to double check my sanity.

Song Lyrics

Have you ever gotten the lyrics of a popular song all wrong? Usually this is corrected only when you get drunk one night and start to sing it wildly. You insert your kooky mistaken lyric by habit and your friend's have a hysterical laugh at your expense for the rest of the night. Yet something about your brain just doesn't register properly and for the rest of all time, every time you hear that song, you still sing it differently. This has happened to me on numerous occasions. I have different lyric combinations for all sorts of different songs and I can't shake them no matter how many times I remind myself that the lyrics are wrong. For example, for the longest time, I had always thought that "More human than human." was actually, "For you've been the best that you've been." Now whenever I hear that song, even though I now know what the singer is saying, I still hear my version. We all know that "Excuse me while I kiss the sky" can easily be mistaken for "Excuse me while I kiss this guy" and many people still sing it that way. Sometimes lyrics are just added randomly from out of nowhere. For example, where, in the entire lyric list for "Mony Mony" by Billy Idol, is that inappropriate line that I know you all have heard but I won't repeat here. It must have just been added along the line somewhere. Was probably just some drunk frat boy at a party, I'm sure.

A friend of mine went to a wedding and the father of the groom was quite intoxicated. He went up to the DJ and demanded that he play "Slow Motion Walter". The DJ was thoroughly confused and said that he had never heard of the song. The groom's father insisted that it was a popular song and that the DJ must have it. Again the DJ assured him that he had never heard of the song but maybe if the man were to sing a little bit of it then he might recognize it. The shiny nosed, fairly robust man cleared his throat and belted out to the tune of Smoke on the Water: "Slow motion Walter! The fire engine guy!" That makes a DJ's day, I am sure of it.

Now that I have a child, I find that I am also mistaking the lyrics to some of her favourite TV shows and sometimes I have to listen more carefully because some of these songs, harmless as they are for children, cause us adults, with our brains rolling around in the filthy gutter, to do a stern double take. And who can forget Dora and Diego. I can't even get the English lyrics right and now cartoons are expecting me to sing along in Spanish as well. I don't have a hope.

Did you know that the tune of twinkle, twinkle little star is also used for the alphabet song? After having worked with many children I have noticed that they don't realize this. They truly believe that they are singing a completely different tune because there are different lyrics. Even if you sing both songs back to back. Also, I can sing all sorts of different tunes to my baby and she will just keep playing and not really notice but as soon as I sing anything to the tune of 'Come Josephine, In My Flying Machine', she immediately takes interest and stares at me in wonder. She absolutely loves that song and it is the only way to get her attention sometimes.

Come Josephine, In My Flying Machine

Oh, say! Let us fly, dear
Where, kid?
To the sky dear
Oh, you flying machine!
Jump in Miss Josephine
Ship Ahoy!
Oh, joy! What a feeling
Feels cold, thru the ceiling. Ho, high!
Hoopla, we fly! To the sky so high

Chorus:
Come Josephine, in my flying machine
Going up, she goes! Up she goes!
Balance yourself like a bird on a beam
In the air she goes; there she goes!
Up, up, a little bit higher.
Oh, my! The moon is on fire.
Come, Josephine in my flying machine
Going up, all on, "Goodbye"

(Repeat Chorus)

One, two, now we're off, dear.
Oh, you, pretty soft, dear.
Whoa! Say! Don't hit the moon.
Oh, no, not yet but soon. You for me,
Oh, gee! You're a fly kid.
Not me, I'm a sky kid.
Gee! I'm up in the air about you for fair

(Repeat Chorus)

If you want to hear the tune then go to this link

In My Shoes

Quote for today: The beginning of all knowledge and wisdom is to desire it.

I have emerged at last. Not exactly a beautiful, shimmery butterfly but alive and kicking nonetheless. At least I have showered so I have accomplished something. I have a dream, it is to not smell swanky. I know, it doesn't impact in quite the same way as Martin Luther King Jr.'s speech. I am still equivocal to a shining beacon of light on my pedestal of example though. At least, that is how I feel considering the enormous wad of energy it took. I should be crowned queen, if only for the day. Basically, I am no longer just puttering about in my pajamas endlessly with no regard to what day it is or what time for that matter. What is it about the grey sky days that make you want to curl up in a ball and hermit away for eternity? I think it must be a study in psychology. I don't think that I could exist somewhere where it poured rain all of the time. I believe that I would become perpetually depressed and inevitably late for everything. Time seems to elude me in this state. I wonder how people cope with it. We all know that the British are generally pretty dry so I guess it wouldn't really bother them that much. Anyway, that is what I have been doing for the past couple of days, just lounging in. Lo and behold, the sun decides to shine today and so do I. We head out, just me and the baby, for breakfast in the park and then a grocery shop to stock up on supplies that we might need for the next lockdown. I used to do this a lot in college and university when I used to live alone for a number of years at a time. My alone being a safe haven where I could escape, hide, retreat, set up camp for days at a time in front of my less than essential TV. I would disappear for weeks on end, not answering phones, ignoring the world and only emerging for necessities like school and work, sometimes food. This was when I did my best writing also. I would sometimes lose track of all time and continue writing straight through until the sun peeked up. This went on of course until my friends would start pounding my door down with the SWAT team. Which would be an over exaggeration only if my apartment building weren't in such a seedy neighbourhood wherein I actually did have to house a stakeout when there was an armed man across my alley. What concerned me the most about this ordeal, you ask? Certainly not a grisly demise or at least sudden death. No, I was livid that the officers tracked in mud all over my newly washed floors with their boots. I don't even think they ever got their man.

Don't you just hate those big, bold, life changing thoughts that, before you can put them to words, immediately dissipate into thin air. That is what this post was supposed to be. A mental breakthrough based on the emotionally charged thought particle that went zinging by my brain this morning for one instant. Alas, I have forgotten what it was that I was trying so hard to point out and therefore I will never become the brazenly enlightened intellectual that I hoped so much to be.

I have decided though instead that I am the biggest klutz in the universe. If it is there to drop, I will be there to drop it. If it is worth anything, I will spill on it. If it is big enough to trip over, I will find it to stub most of my toes on at least a few times per day. If I move it because I keep tripping on it, I will then trip on it in it's new location. I am a banister girl and I find myself wondering why life doesn't come with more handles. (not the love type, got plenty of those thank you very much.) Alas, I am the type of person that trips and stubs their toes on the carpet divider. You know, those little metal things that they lay down to divide carpet and smooth flooring. Why oh why do they have these things?!! Sadly, I believe I am the only one who laments this. I have discovered of late that most of this klutziness is obviously my own fault. I try to multi-task. I, in fact, have a whole hearted, genuine belief that I am capable of multi-tasking which I am, basically, with two teeny, tiny exceptions that might actually be found in the fine print of my life somewhere:

1. I can not multi-task without klutzing all over the tasks that I am multi-tasking.

2. I can not multi-task or do any task for that matter, at the speed of light (which sucks for I would like to be able to do that). Sigh.

I do try though and it can be entertaining. Here is a rundown of how it goes in my head:

Make supper, do laundry, feed baby, give baby a bath.

Now here is how it usually plays out in real life:

Put supper pot on stove to boil.

Run down and put laundry in.

Back up to run bathwater.

Feed baby in high chair.


Then:

Bathwater overflows onto floor which becomes slippery when wet. Pick self up off of floor and turn off water. Mop up.

Pot boils over so run to grab pot with dish towel which catches fire. Throw dish towel in sink and turn water on.

Hungry baby in high chair screaming.

Feed baby.

Sink overflows onto floor which becomes slippery when wet. Pick self and baby's supper up off of floor and turn off water. Mop up.

Hungry baby in high chair still screaming.

Feed baby.

Meanwhile the laundry runs the entire cycle doing nothing because I neglect to close the lid.

Ever have one of these days? Welcome to the story of my life. I have realized that multi-tasking merely leads to me trying to avoid the simultaneous burning and flooding of the house.

Why My Hair Looks This Way

Quote for Today: Quitters never win and winners never quit. Today, I choose to be a winner.

I am knitting. Day in and day out, I keep knitting and knitting. I am making baby toques. I could just go out and buy some but I found this really cute design and have convinced myself that I would like to knit. I started out making scarves a few years ago. Those were easier, just knit all in a row for about 500 rows and you have a scarf. Hats and toques are a bit more complicated. The thing about knitting is that it is about the most complicated and frustrating past time that I have ever encountered. The idea behind it is quite simple. You are technically just making a bunch of slipknots and connecting them all together to make a swath of scarf or hat. It is an easy concept and I assume I am getting better at it however, the most annoying thing about knitting is that one little error. It only takes one. It could be a slip of the mind, a wandering eye, a flash of distraction and crapola, you drop a stitch. Now this is what dropped stitches while knitting are all about. You are supposed to, hypothetically maybe, stitch them right back into line the next time around. This however, can not be done. I have tried and tried and can't for the life of me get my dropped stitches to close up. Inevitably, I end up with holes in all of my stitching. This means that said hat/toque is full of holes the size of your fingertip. This will not do, I am afraid because a hat full of holes is not really that useful, I suppose. Especially in the cold weather. If it was a scarf, it might be done. So I take it all apart, stitch by stitch and I am proud of myself because even though I have to knit probably more than half of it all over again, I don't have to start from stitch one. So I begin again. The main thing about a dropped stitch is that you also don't notice it until you are nearly done. Then it preys on your mind and eats at you like a sick thing. You can't stop looking at it. You can't help noticing it but you don't want to start all over again so you justify. Couldn't it just be covered up with a tacky flower or something? You get so distracted by this one dropped stitch that you continue on with another dropped stitch and another until your entire project is going to be covered in tacky flowers if you don't do something about it. I want to rip my hair out. Instead, I will start all over again. Don't you dare telephone me.

Detours for driver's: Avoid Dunmore hill like the plague. It is permanently construction season on that hill. I was stuck waiting for the light that crosses Kingsway Road for about half an hour or so. Medicine Hat is not built for traffic so when we do have construction going on or a crazy rush hour out of nowhere, everything is backed up for miles because there is nowhere for the extra traffic to go. Those honourable men and women who built this city obviously did not build for growth. For some reason, the city planners decided that Medicine Hat would remain as is so therefore, there is no room at the Inn here people! This is not a place for change! Do not move here! Since we don't have space for you, all you are doing is aggravating those of us around you who were here first! You are hogging up all of the itty bitty road!! If your name isn't in the archives at City Hall then you have to git! (Of course mine probably isn't there either and I don't know if there are even any archives but it's just a shot in the dark. Really, it is about time to build some more overpasses or something!!)

Quick update of In the News:

To quote Steven Harper in his election night speech, "To every thing there is a season." Ecclesiastes 3:1

Thank you for the vote of confidence Steve. Now we can rest easy knowing that you too, like all things, will pass.
At least Harper did not get his majority government which means I can do the happy dance. Even though Stephane Dion will be stepping down as leader of the Liberals, the Conservatives will still have action heroes Bob Rae and Michael Ignatieff to answer to if they want to make any decisions at all. So in other words, they have to work together and cooperate like good boys and girls which is what they should have all done to begin with. Alas, most are too greedy and want all the power to themselves. Sad thing is, now nothing will get done because there will just be a bunch of infighting until the next election. Politicians agree on something? Ha!!! Fat chance!! At least parliament caucus meetings will be more interesting. Popcorn anyone?

I am adding this link because it suits the atmosphere of this year's election. Also because I am a big fan of Jon Stewart. So check it out:

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20081016.wvdaily_canelectio1016/VideoStory/VideoLineup/Pick

Up too late again. Drat. :( Nite nite folks.

Red Raspberry Leaf

Quote for Today: "As I look into the future, chock full of possibilities, I often wonder what it is that we will know better than to do."

Ladies, this is for you. All who suffer with the dreaded monthly curse, I just have to let you in on my new discovery. I, like many others before me, have been dependent on dozens of painkillers for years to get me through that time of the month. I have finally found something that really works for me. Not just to numb the pain but to actually decrease the horror show as well. Red Raspberry Leaf. This comes in tea or tablet form but it must be the leaves, not the fruit. I have been taking this just before as well as during for the past three months and it has worked tremendously. I have cut down enormously on the amount of painkillers that I need and I am able to actually exist and accomplish my daily routine. I should have known about this years ago but it is an herbal remedy and therefore not FDA approved which means that no one tells you about it, there is no recommended dosage nor does anyone tell you what else it can be used for. Grateful for the age of the internet, I studied up on it a bit and it seems that it also works miracles for child birth (not that I am ever doing that again, thank you very much) as well as many other conditions. No major research or published findings can be located about this besides the recreational tests done by midwives and doulas and much of this information is conveniently undocumented. That just goes to show really, a remedy for a woman's troubles is out there and available for you to use right now and yet no one, not even your doctor, will tell you about it. I believe this is a ploy by the drug companies to ensure that you continue to use and buy their drugs instead of finding a natural cure that, in fact, you can grow for yourself in your own backyard. My doula was the one who told me to take it in the first place but I neglected to heed her advice, moronically, to my own disadvantage and hardship. This major discovery on my part leaves me to wonder. What else, besides herbal remedies, are they simply not telling us about?

"I wish I knew all that I know now and still had those thighs." The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.

Interview with Stephane Dion-CTV News

Have you seen the video of Stephane Dion's interview with CTV? The one where he didn't understand the question? If you would like to view it then go to this link:
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=mv-5biChVrA


This is so incredibly ridiculous. I am an English teacher and I know exactly why Dion ends up having trouble with this question and it has nothing to do with him not being able to speak English, but the way that the question is phrased makes absolutely no sense. Here is the question that Steve Murphy asked him: If you were prime minister now, what would you have done about the economy and this crisis that Mr. Harper has not done?

What the hell kind of question is that? I think you ought to go back and learn your own subjunctive tense Mr. Steve Murphy of the CTV news. This is like saying, "If you lived in the White House now, what would you have done about the Watergate scandal?" It simply doesn't make any sense. I think it was worded in that way to purposely trip up Dion because in French this doesn't properly translate. Even the English version of it barely makes sense. They basically want Dion to explain what he would do if he could become prime minister right now in the present tense and then go back in time to succeed where Steven Harper has failed in terms of the economic crisis. Dion obviously tries to make sense of it and concludes that Murphy must mean "If you were prime minister now then what would you do about the economic crisis." Present tense. Of course Dion is not entirely sure though. Steve Murphy is trying to ask, "If you had been prime minister, rather than Steven Harper, then what would you have done differently to avoid the economic crisis." Past tense. In reality, the question comes across as a jumble between past and present tense. No wonder Dion stumbles over it!! Learn your English Steve Murphy! Now everyone is bashing Stephane Dion because they believe him to be stupid and unable to speak the English language. Watch the video, decide for yourself. On another note, in recent french debates, Steven Harper wasn't exactly elegant in his attempts to 'parle le francais' either. It is mandatory in Canada that federal election candidates are bi-lingual and Harper is only just a smidge over that borderline but besides a few Francophones who took offense to his accent, not many others seem to be noticing.

Here's Me, Blogging Away

I think I am going to have to think up some actual titles for my blogs sooner or later but I can't think of anything clever at the time so I just give it some rubbish name that will probably come back to haunt me when all of my blog posts are inevitably called, "Whatever And So On And So Forth."

Quote for today: No man is an Iland, intire of it selfe; every man is a peece of the Continent, a part of the maine; if Clod be washed away by the Sea, Europe is the lesse, as well as if Promontorie were, as well as if a Mannor of thy friends or of thine owne were; any mans death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankinde; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee. -John Donne

Did you know that your nose keeps growing and growing long after the rest of your face has decided on exactly the right size that it wants to be? I have been thinking about this a lot lately. See for yourself. Go take a look in the mirror and try to remember back. Were you able to stick that many fingers up there before? How about the contents of your nose? Did it really take you 20 average kleenex to do a thorough spring cleaning up there before? Was it really that thick of a jungle in there or has it just been slowly, silently growing more and more wild and out of control as the years pass? I, for one, would gladly take my cute as a button 20 year old nose back. I wonder how these noses grow? Do they grow down or out? And how does the rest of my face compensate for it? Look out cheeks and lips! Move on over! Make way for this brand spanking, new fangled, twenty-first century nose, a lot like the old nose, only roomier. That's right, a bigger hard drive and more RAM. The reason that I can't wrap my head around the whole nose issue is that as grown ups, we are just that. Grown up. As in fully grown. No more growing to do. At least that is what I thought and I was comfortable with that. I would remain this height, I would hopefully maintain this weight with a little work. I am a finished product and I am satisfied with the results. Until this completely out of my control nose thing. Now I am not too sure. My nose is one of my fave attributes about my face after having been granted a too wide smile, too square jawline, too small eyes, non-existent lashes and zero chance at shapely, supermodel brows. At first I thought that it was just a myth but now I am experiencing it for certain and I am becoming more and more wary and untrusting of this faithful, old nose that I have grown accustomed to. How big can noses get? Is there a limit to how much your nose actually can grow? Eyes, on the other hand, never grow. They are the same size when you are born as they will be for the rest of your life. That is why little babies, even baby animals, are such cute, cuddly adorable little things. Mother nature purposely makes them look utterly helpless and forlorn with their giant, watery eyes to ensure that they look pitiful enough to the rest of us so to guarantee that one of us poor fools will be roped into properly caring for this adorable wee thing that poops everywhere.
Your hair and fingernails never stop growing, even after you die. The 'eww' factor on that is fairly high though so I am not going to go into it.

I wish my neighbour would stop using his chainsaw all day every day. I think that he must have just purchased the thing. Men usually do that. Get a new tool and try to find bizarre new uses for it all day long every day until the novelty wears off or the thing breaks because they were trying to do something that the instruction manual clearly stated that they shouldn't do. Who reads instruction manuals anyway. I don't understand what the hell he is chainsawing though! He goes on and on chainsawing for hours and hours on end. I mean, I thought that a chainsaw was the real deal, a couple of good swipes and you're done. Unless he is performing the Texas Chainsaw Massacre over there then I have no earthly idea of what he needs to be constantly chainsawing for. For example, you need to cut down a tree? Fine, you get out your trusty chainsaw and you cut the damn thing down in three, maybe four strokes? It all depends how big round the tree is, which way the wind is blowing, how many beers you have had etc. However, regardless of all of these variables, it does not take you five bloody hours of chainsawing to get the tree down. So please, someone, enlighten me as to what exactly does take five bloody hours of constant chainsawing! Honestly, he never quits! Take a break buddy! Go and have a sandwich! Anything to stop the incessant chainsawing!! I have been staring at this dude out of my front window like the crazy cat lady all day. He has been standing in front of this one tree stump in his yard for hours chainsawing. Dude! Your chainsaw is not working! I mean, it's working alright, it just obviously is not the right tool for the job! Whatever the hell that job might be. The most amusing thing though is that his wife has been sitting out there on the lawn watching him since about 9:00am yesterday morning. Give up the vigil woman. He is not going to put the chainsaw down long enough for you smash it to bits. Goes to show, you shouldn't have bought it for him in the first place. Now, slowly but surely, the walls of your house will come crashing down one by one so that you think you must have termites but you won't, and he will promise that he will fix it just as soon as you buy him that neat table saw and power drill set that he has been ogling about as much as he used to ogle you. As if we really wanted to be ogled anyway, what a funny word. The wonderful thing about all of this is that the chainsawing always starts all of the dogs in the neighbourhood barking. Lovely, now I have a symphony.

Go Vote on Tuesday.

Quote for today: The great danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it but that it is too low and we ultimately reach it. -Michaelangelo

I like this quote. Aim for heights that make the skeptics jeer. That is my clever, shortened version of it that I like to carry around in my head with me wherever I go. I don't know yet if I have aimed precisely high enough yet though.

I am a list person. I make lists for everything. Lists of groceries, to do lists, lists of books I own or have read or have yet to read, cd lists etc. For some reason, it just gives me a feeling of great accomplishment to cross things off of a list. It has actually become more of an achievement for me to be able to cross something off than it is to accomplish the thing itself. The reason I am blathering on about this isn't of any grand significance. Only that I went to the grocery store today and it was jammed packed. Whenever the store is jammed like that I always forget one item on my list. Only one. More than likely the only item that I actually needed and the one I was there at the store for in the first place. I just get sidetracked and I have a panicky urge to retreat from the store. I get up to the till and look down at my list and there it is, the last item, glaring up at me. Today it was potatoes. These were of uber importance because we are all making something for Thanksgiving dinner this year and I am designated potato queen. I am going to make the finest and most unique mashed potato concoction that ever graced any Thanksgiving bounty. But let me tell you, there is not even one decent spud in my house. Believe me, and I have even considered using the ones that have been sitting under my sink for a decade now at least. In fact, I think they were already here when we moved in. Ok, for those of you reading who actually have to eat this Thanksgiving catastrophe, fear not. I promise I will not venture near the potato demons living next to the Easy Off Bam. I do have one half of a sweet potato left if it really comes down to it. No, don't worry, there will be potatoes at this Thanksgiving if it means I have to go dig them out of someone's back garden. Hmm...my next door neighbour's have a garden. I wonder.

In the News
Carbon Pricing, What is It?

There has been a lot of talk surrounding the election lately about climate change and carbon tax especially on the part of the Liberal leader Stephane Dion. Dion hopes that promoting the carbon tax will help his campaign. Now for those who don't know what this means, I will explain.

Basically, this is a tax on the carbon footprint that you leave on our planet. The amount of carbon dioxide that you emit into the atmosphere. Now they aren't about to tax us for breathing of course because that would be silly...wait, just to double check. Yup, no tax for being alive and breathing, but this is a tax for bigger polluters like factories that emit large amounts of carbon dioxide into the environment everyday and are essentially causing global warming. So these big time polluters would then be taxed for how much C02 they produce and the monies are supposed to go to cutting our personal income tax in half. Or so they say. I mean, income tax was supposed to be a short term, temporary thing to begin with along with the GST. We were allegedly supposed to be paying off all of our nation's debt with it but now they say that Canada's national debt is so high that it will probably take about 125 years to really pay it off, that is if we don't keep racking it up. Regardless, I will be worms meat by then so I now must be prepared to accept income tax as a more permanent life deal. They probably assume that my children will not be so savvy as to realize the mistakes of the past anyway and will just accept income tax and all other misdemeanors as well. Anyway, so we will see where all the money really goes. However, if this tax is implemented it could mean some pretty interesting changes around this Planet Earth. There has been talk about ensuring that Canadians have realistic alternatives in terms of energy consumption. Could this mean more solar homes, wind energy farms and electric cars? If they are going to tax me for polluting activities like driving my car then they had better offer another form of transportation. Other countries like Norway and Sweden have already implemented carbon prices. Of course when I think of those countries I always think green, oh and mostly hills and short guys in even shorter pants. Maybe a windmill or two and the world's smallest cars that you could ever possibly squeeze a human into. Hopefully this puts the oil companies in the toilet though so I don't have to pay such high gas prices. Ha ha, oops, my guy still works for the oil companies. Crap. Ok, boo to carbon pricing then because even if we greenhouse gas the place and the planet goes up in all of our green smoky smoke, I can still drive my car down the ozoneless stretch of ooze highway. Oooh, and I don't want to lose my shopping allowance either. They do say that this won't affect Canada's economy in the least but how many of us are really going to want to part with our full size gas gluttony SUV's for a wimpy, plastic smarty pants car? Nothing says tough guy like riding around in a bubbly dome, like a bumper car at the fair except supremely more dorky. I am in Alberta and I know that these big cowboys will probably need to be folded in thirds just to fit into one of those things. Might not go over too well, kinda like wearing red underpants and riding shotgun in the bullpen.

The US economy has been hit hard by the Stock Market crash. They are heading for recession and have been pouring billions of dollars into their banks, which has not been done since the Great Depression in the 1930's. Canada, however, is in the most sound financial position globally and so we should not worry although we will probably still be able to hear the mighty US whinging from across the border. We might also catch a glimpse of George Bush's head upon a stake carried by an angry mob. We will keep our hopes up. Those Americans are feisty little buggers and most of them are trigger happy so we might just get a show after all of this nonsense blows over. I know that most of them are too comfortable for their own good and would be highly insulted knowing that their country's finances are in ruins. It's enough to wound their pride, especially after having to go through that torturous week when their dollar matched and then was pummeled by ours.

Ok, I must go to bed now since I have an automatic baby alarm clock that will be going off at exactly the time that I don't want to drag my butt out from under the warm coziness. If it was painfully early then that would be fine, but my little princess always lets me sleep until I have had just enough sleep that it is torturous to emerge from my bed. This time clock changes every day. I know, I can't complain, at least she sleeps.